Parshat Vayechi – January 10, 2025 / 11 Tevet, 5785
I want to share two lines with you this evening, both from some very famous, but very different, sources: First, “I don’t want anything to happen to him while my mother’s alive.”
This line comes to us from the 1974 Francis Ford Coppola film, The Godfather: Part II. This film, which is the second part of a trilogy, delves deeply into the violent organized crime world of the Corleone family. The line is uttered by the youngest son, Michael Corleone, played masterfully by one of my favorite actors, Al Pacino. Michael’s older brother Fredo, played by the late John Cazale, has betrayed Michael, and betrayed the family. He does this by going behind Michael’s back and making deals with family enemies. It’s unclear exactly what Fredo did, but we do know that his actions resulted in an attempt on Michael’s life while he was sleeping in his home. This all stemmed in some way from jealousy. The older brother, Fredo, was jealous of the power and attention given to the younger, Michael. Fredo, upon admitting his wrongdoing, famously cries out to his younger brother, “They said there was something in it for me, Mike!” Michael Corleone appears to eventually, albeit begrudgingly, forgive Fredo; but Pacino’s stony-hearted eyes tell a different story during a chilling hug. Michael proceeds to coldly tell his associates that line we mentioned: “I don’t want anything to happen to him while my mother’s alive.” Michael waits until their mother passes, and then he has his own brother killed. This is pretty ruthless and calculated behavior.
Now onto that second line to explore together: “Perhaps he will nurse hatred against us and he will surely repay us all the evil that we did him.” In this week’s Torah portion, Vayechi, Jacob passes away after 17 years in Egypt, and Joseph is still in a powerful position in Egypt. Joseph is the Michael Corleone of this message. We know that Joseph’s brothers had him thrown in a pit many years ago. Some wanted him dead, others wanted him sold. Nevertheless, they wanted him gone. They knew what they were doing, and of the life-threatening consequences their actions would have on their younger brother. Again, the root of this was jealousy. Joseph’s many brothers could be seen as the Fredo here. This awareness of harm is in contrast to Fredo, who, famously a bit naive, did not seem to truly realize the gravity of his actions. In a powerful position in Egypt, Joseph did what Michael Corleone appeared to do. He truly seemed to forgive the brothers. He told them that everything that had happened was part of God’s plan, and that he harbored no ill will toward them. All was forgiven, and it was time to put the past behind them. They were, after all, family.
This is where the narratives become disparate from one another. Michael Corleone’s killing of his own brother based upon a grudge stemming from past jealousy and betrayal; this is exactly what Joseph’s brothers are worried about. Their fathers’ death, the death of Jacob, was Joseph’s chance to have his Michael Corleone moment, to punish his brothers for the pain they had caused him without causing their father any more heartache. When Joseph could take revenge, when he could easily have his Michael moment, he says, “Fear not, For am I instead of God?” He goes on to comfort them, and Torah says, “Vaydabeir al-libam-he spoke to their heart.” Joseph truly meant his forgiveness. It was genuine. Our great sage Rashi claims that Joseph realized that if the brothers, a large group of people, could not succeed in harming him, how could he, one person, succeed in harming them? He saw God at work. Joseph truly believed that all had happened for a holy reason and he forgave.
It seems as if sibling rivalry and jealousy can mostly be boiled down to how the children were treated by their parents. Receiving different treatment from a parent, whether it’s objectively true or perceived, is likely the most consistent predictor of sibling rivalry and competition. It is glaringly clear that this goes well beyond the years of childhood. Doctor Megan Gilligan, an Iowa State University professor of human development and family studies, describes seeing sibling rivalry and jealousy across the lifespan. She writes about the fact that these feelings persist into folks who are in their 50s and 60s, and even following parental death. We can learn a lot about prevention from Jacob’s behavior and favoritism toward Joseph; but at some point the children become adults, and it’s time to take rivalry, jealousy, and impulse, and transform it into the intentional actions that come with a more developed brain…also a developed soul. Will these actions be holy or not? This is the challenge. We all face it in one way or another.
Joseph seems to master any impulse to do harm. He is able to act intentionally, and not bear a grudge. Some of our sages and Midrash describe how Joseph began to drift apart from his brothers after their father died. He stopped eating with them, and associated with them less and less. Perhaps Joseph did not feel as comfortable with his brothers after what they had done, but he certainly did not seek retribution. Great 19th century Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch comments on the fact that parents are generally the center of the family for siblings. When they pass, it is often the case that siblings drift apart. This happened with Joseph and his brothers. The brothers mistook this natural disconnection for something far more dangerous to their lives. They feared the Fredo treatment, and made this panic clear with their words about Joseph’s potential hatred and repayment for the harm that was caused him.
The death of Michael Corleone’s mother, and Jacob’s death; they both bring up the fact that family systems are complex. Parents are not perfect, there is likely favoritism involved, and not everyone draws the same straw in life. Am I telling you that you should forgive people no matter what harm they do to you? Absolutely not. I am in no place to do so. We talk on the High Holy Days about the complexities of making Teshuvah, and there are many facets to that process. What I am here to tell you is that Michael Corleone and Joseph both teach us something this week. We are given a gift by God as we grow both physically, and hopefully, spiritually. We are given the choice. The choice of how we will react in a given situation. No one can take the choice away from us. It can be completely natural to feel like Michael Corleone when he pulls Fredo close to him, and lets him know “you broke my heart!” Joseph likely felt heartbroken by how he was treated as well. It is the choices we make in the wake of others’ choices that will define who we are and how close we can become to God. It is easy to be holy when others around us are acting holy. How do we respond when we are the lone light in a disarray of darkness?
May we all be blessed on this holy Shabbat to choose not as Michael Corleone, but as Joseph…to fully allow ourselves to feel the reality of jealousy, rivalry and hurt; but to take these very human emotions and use them for the good…to elevate ourselves. To prove to ourselves we are more than the impulse for revenge and reprisal. To consider that justice sought through violence might not be justice at all. Let us find God in moments of heartache and betrayal. If we can find holiness in hardship, imagine the incredible possibilities and pathways to God that await us every day. When we have power and we have opportunity, how will we use it? Joseph: God and forgiveness, or Michael: vengeance, violence and a holy void. The choice is always yours.
Shabbat Shalom.
– Rabbi Josh Gray